Emotional Scars

So, right after I finally got the blog up...I got sick...sick as in, I caught food poisoning from my husband.  Who even CATCHES food poisoning?  Anyway, I was lucky in that I wasn't puking my guts up like he was...although that was NOT fun to watch.  My poor husband...I was having horrible memories of my hg, and started dry heaving right next to him!  I was ill for about a week...the whole time feeling so queasy, and, like I said, having horrible memories.  I was reliving my hg all over again.  I kept reminding myself that this wasn't the same, that it would be short lived compared to my pregnancy, but I couldn't help but feel the sheer terror. 

I am left wanting to hide from all things hg...to escape, but how can I? I am forever scarred by my experience.  I can't escape catching sicknesses as hard as I try, and, if I ever have another child, I will be staring it in its ugly face once again. 

I have no idea how to feel. I suppose this is the PTSD they say a lot of women get from hg...it sucks.  I am praying I find healing through this blog...healing, and perhaps courage to do it again.  For now, I feel weak, I feel fearful, I feel like I cannot win, and that is a very sad feeling.